Well yet again!

Here I am writing yet another long over due update, I've loads of excuses but no real
reasons.
If I had put my mind to it I could dovote a lot more time to the site but everything
else just seems to get in the way. Thank you to those who do visit and I will get
around to eventually putting up more.
Got some NIN on the stereo and I'm drinking some Gin and juice but I need to get back to
work.
Anyways, just a brief update to let you know that everything is going great, the world
still sucks but I'm contributing to a better way of living the best I can, work is
excellent (I know that sounds insane but my line of work gives me some hope of being
able to make a small difference, even on a local level to someone) my family is
thriving (Even though we've had to fight for our happiness) and my other half is still
right there with us supporting and loving us all the way, like the honest, genuine and
decent man that he is.
Anyway, duty calls.
I have absolutely no idea when I will be back on here but when I do get a chance I will
try and put up more interesting things than my diary/update ramblings
Till then, then :-)

Well howdy!

It's been awhile. A LONG while.

First off I have to apologise to everyone who has emailed me and I have not replied to.
I've been hiding in the real world for awhile, trying to get my life sorted out.

So here is an update.

I'm still VERY happy with my rather charming and handsome Canadian.
Not to make you all sick out there but I'm one of the very few lucky people,
who has actually found a genuine person.
My life has been enriched by his very presence :-)
He has supported me, loved me and been my best friend over the last 17 months.
The best thing is, he is who and what he says he is warts and all.
There is no nasty suprises because I know them all already.

I'm working now, as opposed to just studying.
I'm enjoying my job a lot it gets me out, widens my social circle
and I get paid of course!
The only slight downside is the hours, but hey I can't have it all ways.
Hee hee well at least when it comes to that.

All this working and busy lifestyle has also been helping me to slowly but surely get fitter.
Shock horror but I've even joined a gym!
Got to start looking after myself now, seeing how I seem to on this planet for
a good while to come yet :-)
If everything goes to plan I'll be leaving on a jet plane soon enough aswell.
First off though we are going a wee trip somewhere in Europe, Budapest perhaps.
I'll let you all know about it after :-)

Round about September time I shall be getting myself some new wheels to
Drive about in. This time I'm looking for something a little larger.
Canadians can grow quite BIG you know :-p

I had the best birthday EVER! I got completely spoiled.
As part of my birthday gifts I even got to go see NINE INCH NAILS!
It was the best gig I've ever been to.

Been listening a lot to Damien Rice, any readers of this diary page like the band?

Ok not everything has been roses.

Since last time I've re evaluated who I consider to be a friend.
I was so badly let down by some one.
I felt that I had been shit on from a great height.

You know who you are and if you ever read this just so you know, at the time you fucked me
over it broke my heart. Now I don't even feel a thing. You are not worth my time or emotion.

Another thorn in my side is my ex. He just wont let go.
He has a new relationship and a baby on the way but keeps holding off on a divorce.
Why he wouldn't want to keep his new love happy and not be tied to me (because I'm
apparently so awful) is beyond me. Get over me I'm with someone else.

WE ARE FINISHED!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
STOP PESTERING ME!
NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE WANTS TO KNOW YOU ANY MORE!
I KNOW YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED THAT STRANGLING ME AND
SENDING ME TO A&E DIDN'T KILL ME OFF.
WELL, I'M STRONGER THAN THAT!
I'M STRONGER THAN YOU!
IS NOT AGREEING TO A DIVORCE IN YOUR MIND
A WAY OF STILL TRYING TO CONTROL ME!
A WAY OF PUNISHING ME!
YOUR VERSION OF LOVE IS FUCKED UP!
YOU SHOULDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE ANYWAY!

However, there are far more frightening things going on in the world than that little maggot.
If there is a God then now would be a good time for you to come here and give us lowly
beings a helping hand because we have completely lost the plot.

Righty people that's all. There are updates littered about the site but I cant be bothered
pointing them out…happy hunting :-)

Greetings and salutations fellow Internet people.

It has been a while since I last did anything to this site but here it is a small update.
I'm again hopeful that the next update won't take me as long, but hey, shit happens!

What have I been up to? Well, that's a question and a half for me right now
I've found myself in a happy, loving and caring relationship with a person who I have the
utmost respect for. A VERY unexpected surprise for me, but amazingly enough
everything is going VERY well. Too well my cynical voice says, but I guess I'll just have to
tell it to shut up and give things a chance.

Went to Download, got accused of getting up to naughties in a porta loo!
Porta loo, like right!
Damn queue started cheering my porta loo partner. I'm sorry but I'm far more classy than porta
loo shagging!

Been out flyering but not nearly as much as I should, been to see a few bands but again not
as many as I should.
Things have just been a bit tight money wise and what with
the good old ex and the "we know what's best for you" family causing me some grief,
I've just not felt like putting on a smiling exterior.

Still failing miserably on the finding my perspective again. I really need to get my head
out of my ass. Lately it seems I've been caught up in my own little dream world
trying to hide from the outside world, and I must admit its been a good little dream, but
that's the problem with dreams….you wake up.
I just have.

Updates some new poetry, the poetry archive and a new edition to the website the poetry of Scumbagfreak.

Well it is almost the end of 2003. I'll say my happy festive greetings now because I'll probably not fit in another update between now and 2004.
"Happy festive stuff to you all"

What can I say about 2003?
I'm glad to see the back of it, as the years go on they seem to get worse. However I still have the slightest bit of hope left in me for next year.
Unfortunately the bad times of this year outweigh the good and not just on my own personal level. 2003 seems to be a transitional year,
what this means 2004 will bring, is in the lap of the Gods I suppose.

Been to some good gigs, met a few interesting people, still studying, my personal life is still shit, very disillusioned with everything and I'm still searching for something, if I only knew what it was!

That reminds me of a question someone asked me last week, I got asked "what would make you happy". I just stood there, my mind went blank and I couldn't answer because I simply didn't know the answer.
So if one thing has happened to me since my last diary entry I'd say it was the realisation that I've completely lost focus on where I want to be and what I want to achieve.
Who the hell am I these days?

Anyway, enough introspection. New things since last time are Akercocke flyering pictures, Samael from the piggery pictures, this diary ramble, and I've also left a message on the guestbook as I've only just found some entries that I wasnt notified about.
I've still got quite a few MortIIs flyering pictures to sort through so if you are still looking for yourself then its possible that you will appear on a web page near you soon!

Take care all xx

The bane of my life at the moment is studying, being ill and having no money.
However the thought of a long Christmas break is cheering me up as is the impending AKERCOCKE and Arch Enemy gig on the 16th of December at Glasgow's King Tut's :-)
If you see me at the gig come up and say hi, but try to leave it to before or between bands cause the old hearing isn't what it used to be :-p

The site has had quite a few changes since last time, there will be no poetry submission page or sounds page. Instead there is a whole selection of band pictures and people captured on camera being flyered.
There is other sections being created and altered, so if anyone is actually interested then keep an eye out for more changes.

Here you can go find some new stuff through the mischief page

Well I did say that perhaps by the time of my next diary entry that I would have seen MortIIs live and YAY, YAY and yet more YAY on the 21st September I and some friends were at none other than a MortIIs gig :o)
The sound in the Glasgow Barfly is not great but the gig was :o). so what do I care.
I really can't be arsed with a big over analysed blow by blow account of the whole thing but, they all seemed to be very willing to speak to their awaiting public and I got some good pictures for my collection so I was happy enough :o)

Just in the throes of passion... I wish!! What I should say is just in the throes of starting back at uni….oh Joy! (in a completely sarcastic way) Another two semesters of work, work and more work but hey there are some gigs coming up that should fill in some of the time along the way.

Now that the MortIIs U.K tour is over, I'll need to find something else to channel my energies into, well at least until the next MortIIs album is due out then I can get my flyering shoes on... :op I'll need to stop happily drinking gin and saying "yes, you get someone to flyer for you, I'll do it"…I mean I know I get bored easily but I'm going to end up out everynight or more appropriately I should say me and my friend that I take with me everywhere will end up out everynight...

Oh, another thing (as I randomly think of it) I'll need to stop going on about tits..its become a bit of a standing joke between me, my mate Suzan and flyering…I'm not a breast maniac, I just open my mouth sometimes and speak to people like I've known them for ages, hence the tits thing.

Boredom and reality slowly creeps in..JEEZ

Updates, this bloody diary ramble, more poetry, and more archived poetry.
Bob Hope keep them laughing whereever you are!

More months have passed and it's been pretty hectic. It's apparently the summer but apart from my hayfever I'd never have guessed but that's ok because I love the rain.
Exams are over and I'm just waiting for the inevitable start of another term.
Cant afford any holidays, weekend break or to go to any festivals :o(

I'm still getting used to the single life and unfortunately with the average age of most available people being 18 (if I'm lucky) then its only going to be me warming up my bed for a while yet!

Joined up on faceparty.com it was amusing for all of 5 minutes, but there are too many sad men trying to sex mail me, isn't there any people out there who just want to get to know other people, without any ulterior motives?

Had a couple of nights out but the 'scene' is tired and old.
I think its time I moved on to pastures new and tried to find some people who are not fake, false scene sheep.

Anyway, still MortIIs flyering and thanks to Robert, I'm still managing to get those flyers outside, inside and back stage at gigs. I'm thinking about putting up my street team pictures on this site and getting some decent ones of myself up, why not? Being anonymous gets you nowhere!

Hopefully, I'll have actually been to a MortIIs gig by my next diary entry, considering I seem to leave them for months and then I don't even say much :-p

Well, I've been building up ye olde horse riding muscles of mine, by you guessed it, going horse riding.
What else have have I been doing (that I'm willing to admit to) surfing the net, feeling lonely and bored, flyering, arguing with my ex and meeting with Suzan.

I've even managed to behave myself, it's a shame that some other immature pansy boys, that have been around me lately cant do the same.

Other pages updated today apart from this one; Poetry and Archive. Also the Places and Men pages too.

Yet again its taken me an age to update the website... I've only just realised that January 13th was ACTUALLY over 3 months ago and not 3 weeks like I felt it was. BUT HEY!
Ok here goes,
Passed my January exams…..YAY
Passed this terms assessments so far….YAY
Got new end of term exams starting soon…NOT SO YAY

The new car that I mentioned last time!!
Crashed it!
Had to get ANOTHER one
Now my finances are in a mess again and my student money is GONE
ARGH! That means getting a full time job to be able to eat…. That will be a shock to the system!

Been out a lot, I've been to so many gigs in the last 3 months that I've lost count…And I have to add its all been in the name of MortIIs.
What a good little street team member I've been

Well on the personal life side, a few Hellos here wouldn't go a miss
…Hi Mike, keep your chin up:
Weibsstuck, your are crazy in a perfectly complimentary way
To the piggery hang on in there, the idiots will get bored and go away
and finally a BIG thank you to everyone who hasn't made flyering for MortIIs a complete hell!!
Oh forgot to say ROBERT FENTON you're my hero

Take Care all
P.S. updates; Diary (REALLY), the Poetry page and the Archive.

Well it's a new year and a new diary entry!

Ok here is what I've been up to:-
Passed my Uni assignments and actually managed to do pretty well with them, SHOCK!!
Finally got my finances sorted out, I'm still skint but at least I know what's coming in and going out.
Joined the MortIIs street team - why don't you spread the MortIIs word too.. http://www.mortiis.com
Got a new (well, new to me) car
Actually gutted some of the rooms in my flat!
Went to a theatre performance.
Blowed some money on furniture in the D.I.Y January sales
Got some Red Dwarf videos.

God my life sounds boring!!
On the slightly more interesting side of things:-
Been out on the piss with Suzan and she FORCED me to behave in a naughty bitch like fashion
for her own entertainment - I mean, honestly WOMAN,
you know what I can get like,
why it amuses you so much I'll never know :-p
Got some saucy emailed pictures from my Texas friend, who I got to say has a very nice ass :-)
Had a few interesting, and at times bewildering emails and text messages sent to me by various people, Mark you weren't one of them, WHY NOT?

All in all though, I'm not looking forward to 2003 I don't know why I cant put my finger on it, just got a very apprehensive feeling about it.
It doesn't help that my brains turned to mush, and I can't concentrate on anything. I've got exams starting from the 20th January and I can't remember one word of the stuff I should know. Looking at my books just makes me feel sick, like I'm swimming in quotes and facts so much that I'm drowning in the stuff.
2002 was a mixed up emotional year for me. The death of two relatives, relationship turmoil and some other happenings that turned my life on its head. I just feel drained. I don't think I've got anything left in me to face a whole new year again!! But you struggle on don't you. where there's life there's hope. So I just got to find some hope, or I could just keep on self destructing, cause I'm so bored that I keep getting into situations that provoke extreme reactions in other people, anything to feel alive even for just a minute.

Ok happy, happy, joy, joy! That was a bit more gritty than I meant it to be.
Love Joy Happiness and Trent Reznor
Well I had to get him into the conversation some where :-)

Take care of yourselves then.
P.S The following pages have been updated the diary page (obviously), me page, poetry page, and the men page.
And Maurice Gibb... gone, but not forgotten.

Well I've actually been quite productive over the last few days. Iceman and myself finally got it together at the weekend (well sort of) and the following changes/updates have now been made:-
Graham's page
The people page
The places page &
The banner links
are now all operational.
The poetry section has been updated and there are also some other small changes throughout the site.

On a more personal note things have been pretty quiet. I've been busy preparing for the start of a new term and worrying about how I'm going to pay the rent and study. Me and some friends took a trip to one of the local Goth/industrial clubs, but I must be getting too old for clubbing because the sea of black clothed bodies and cold faces did absolutely nothing for me, not to mention the big fish little fish style of dancing incorporated there.

In the cd player at the moment is Mortiis, Entombed (because Suzan left it there), Rammstein and Kenny Rogers.

So until next entry, bye.
P.S If anyone out there can recommend a good club (Goth, Industrial, Metal) where people actually go out to have a good time, it would be much appreciated and we are willing to travel so all suggestions welcome... Thanks

AT LAST! An update on the website... I know it's been ages but excuses, excuses, excuses!!

On the website side of things, I've been really lazy, although now at last, the Links page is ready for action. I'm still looking for Homepage, Banner Ad, & Nightlife links... please feel free to recommend some to me. A link to my mail address is included in the diary entry for 23/03/02.

The poetry page will see some updates very soon, and one day, I will get around to advertising this site's existance to the rest of the Net!

On the personal front, I've been busy but also feeling quite bored & listless. I need some fresh excitement in my life... any offers?

As usual, I've been listening to a lot of NIN and avoiding nu-metal like the plague. Recently, I've been attracted to Mortiis (in more ways than one, which has worried a few close friends), and I'm constantly (thanks to Suzan) seeking & checking out anything Carcass related, which, instead of worrying my friends, has me worried instead!

Oh, before I go, 'Hi' to Mike. Sorry about the phone calls... hope they didn't cost too much.
Take Care.

Just a short note to say that I'm moving house tomorrow,
and until a get a phone put in, I'll be offline for a while.
Never mind, I'm sure you'll live without me...

The good news is that when I'm back online, a lot of the site will get updated.
Maybe even the 'Last Updated' date on the homepage!
Til then, mail me at the address below.

My very first diary entry.
Nothing exciting I'm afraid.
I hope you like my site, feel free to mail me with your questions, comments, or even to trade links.
Well that's all, I'll write more soon and next time I'll try to write something a bit more interesting.